Usapang Kalye

gaguhan: makes perfect sense

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 11:32:55 GMT

This one's especially for the guys out there.

kalye speak: road signs, culmination

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 13:28:01 GMT

My good deed for the day: ta-da! The Alphabetical Index of Signs!

Yes, despite all my kagaguhan here, I still maintain that road safety matters.

kalye speak: road signs, part three

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 13:24:26 GMT

Ang Pinoy daw hindi marunong sumunod sa road signs. Eh pano nga naman ba susunod kung ganito ang nangyayari?

kalye speak: road signs, part two

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 13:18:08 GMT

Know your road signs, and have a good laugh!

kalye speak: road signs, part one

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 13:09:43 GMT

Have you ever noticed that children's crossing signs in our country come in different shapes, sizes, and designs? Considering the effort road sign artists put into making them, we should pay more attention. (Yes, admire them, but not so much as to forget to brake for the kids.)

gaguhan: just for kicks

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 13:00:24 GMT

Yes, yes, most of these work on me, and on other drivers I know. But if you really want to piss your driver off...

But why would you want to do that now?

just so you know

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 14:10:57 GMT

A carnapper has taken me as a hostage. But the person did promise to keep posting on this blog.

sitwasyon: not for manila

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 14:03:31 GMT

Sitwasyon: You're looking for guides on how to survive the streets of Manila.

Aksyon: Don't go for this. It may work for someplace else, but not here.

[Watch out for more balikbayan driving guides. To view all entries under this category, click on the balikbayanguides tag.]

gaguhan: this is what they give us in between (number one)

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 13:56:42 GMT

It's sometimes difficult to guess what advertising people are up to.

Number One: The "Car" Commercial (ack...diese Menschen...)

[Number Three|Number Two]

kalye speak: different horizons?

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 12:59:04 GMT

Maybe it's because they're too different from us that they find this to be the case. I honestly think it's difficult to say anything regarding the matter. But who would've thought that cultural differences when it comes to viewpoints on driving has a dimension like this?

You be the judge.

gaguhan: this is what they give us in between (number two)

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 12:50:21 GMT

I hate arrogant cyclists. Pity you can't run them over. I'll just wait for the perfect opportunity to do this:

Number Two: Showing Them Who's Boss

[Number Three]

gaguhan: this is what they give us in between (number three)

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 14:04:30 GMT

In between TV shows, that is. You know what people in the field of advertising are capable of producing. So here I present to you the top three car commericials I found online.

Number Three: Parallel Parking - That's the Way to Do It

kalye speak: getting there - his way and hers

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 04:51:12 GMT

I admit my spatial IQ is next to nonexistent, but I manage to find my way around by learning from my mistakes (e.g. I'll never enter a certain one-way street again after nearly being caught by a traffic enforcer) and memorizing at least one alternative route to a particular destination.

Science proves that men are more efficient than women when it comes to navigation strategies, because they employ different techniques. But as proven by experience, women still get to their destinations faster than men do, because they recognize the perfect time to be humble when they meet it face to face.

sitwasyon: balikbayan guides - before anything else

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 03:48:37 GMT

Sitwasyon: You've decided you're going to brave the streets of Manila, but you have no idea where to begin your ~~road-rampage~~ adventures.

Aksyon: Don't rush things. Take your time and consider your options. You want to take the wheel - is that your final decision? Wouldn't you rather hire a driver instead? Are you sure you can take the car out today? Can you take a shortcut through this subdivision?

Check out this list before proceeding and make sure you know the basics.

[Watch out for more balikbayan driving guides. To view all entries under this category, click on the balikbayanguides tag.]

kalye speak: for the balikbayan

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 13:23:37 GMT

If you're the real thing (not the nag-fi-feeling), don't listen to this, because it doesn't really tell you what you need to know. Most probably, you'd just end up under a ten-wheeler, the wheels of which would probably be the last things you'd see. You have to know the truth.

Instead, listen to what the veteran Manila drivers have to say. I'll feature several guides here, but consider this recycled link a starter for that. I particularly recommend this link because it means serious business - just the right kind of attitude for Manila driving.

More to come soon.

gaguhan: the art of car-hurdling

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 13:00:17 GMT

New windshield expenses: scary to even think about it.

Repair: what's a few bucks more, after the windshield?

The moron who did it: he'll probably disappear for weeks, but you'd still be friends, anyway.

Having a video like this: priceless.

sitwasyon: another use for call center accents

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 14:51:18 GMT

(Note: It's not really advisable to do this if you don't have a US license. But then again, a lot of our traffic enforcers are easily intimidated.)

Sitwasyon: A traffic enforcer signals you to pull over. (This is regardless of whether you really did something wrong or not - like that matters much in this country.)

Aksyon: There are several to choose from. Take what works best for you.

1. If you have a US license, you shouldn't have a lot of trouble.

2. If you don't have a US license but you can fake an American accent, talk your way out of it. Make sure to appear all harassed - don't forget to complain a lot about traffic and road conditions here in the Philippines, and keep saying that it doesn't work that way in the States. But don't even try this if you chance upon a traffic enforcer who projects any of the following auras: a) guardian of the roads; b) hungry, feed me now; c) aiming for promotion; or d) just plain gago.

3. If you don't have a US license or accent, I wish you luck. You're on your own.

4. If you're in the Makati area and the traffic enforcer who approaches you is wearing blue, immediately look for a Makati police officer. Hopefully, they'd be too preoccupied with each other to pay any attention to you.

kuwento: ya gotta love them for the comic relief, anyway (culmination)

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:11:11 GMT

You've seen the stupid, the stupider, and the stupidest. Be careful you don't end up like them.

But however careful you are, there's always something that can't be avoided. I guess it's still partly a matter of luck, anyway.

kalyespeak: it's about time

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 13:20:17 GMT

Either you've ridden a bus that seems ready to collapse the next time the driver hits the brakes, or you've driven your vehicle alongside one. It's scary to be driving next to a bus that seems to be tilting beyond its center of gravity. People must be desperate enough to ride it.

So this is a welcome relief. I hope they do something about the kaskasero bastards next. Tch. I wish.

kalyespeak: a different kind of arrest

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 13:11:36 GMT

You see a lot of things on the road, ranging from the disgusting to the funny to the nerve-wracking.

But Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay and the Makati Police look like they might give us something interesting to watch, especially when MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando continues to remain stubborn.

Much as I detest driving in Makati, I would like to hang out there one of these days.

kuwento: ya gotta love them for the comic relief, anyway (the queen of the flying pedestrians)

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 13:04:10 GMT

Second Place: Wake Me Up When It's Over
Third Place: "Hindi nga puwede eh!"

First Place: "You'll never catch me...aaaarrrgh, you're right behind me!"

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to witness this firsthand. But my pal JR gave very vivid descriptions, and they'll do.

He was in a jeepney along Katipunan, on his way to Ateneo. It was around ten in the morning, so there weren't a lot of vehicles on the road, and there weren't a lot of Flying Pedestrians as well.

The manong driver was doing around 50, and his jeepney was on the rightmost lane, scouting for passengers. All of a sudden, a female Flying Pedestrian suddenly jumped from the sidewalk to the spot right in front of the jeepney. No, the Flying Pedestrian said she wasn't trying to commit suicide; she was merely distracted and didn't see the jeepney.

Right. It was about five feet away.

Anyway, the driver blared his horn (fortunately, it got the woman's attention) and slammed his foot on the brakes, but it was obvious he wouldn't be able to avoid the Flying Pedestrian unless she moved out of the way. The Flying Pedestrian realized this as well. So she started running. Away from the jeepney.

She didn't move left or right. She started moving forward, trying to outrun the jeeney.

Well, she wasn't fast enough. The jeepney hit her anyway. All the passengers were quiet as the driver helped her board. She kept her head down as she settled down on her seat. The driver, obviously shaken up, kept asking her if she was okay. She nodded like an automaton.

The silence persisted for another ten seconds, but out of the blue, as if they'd planned it, everybody began laughing - even the Flying Pedestrian.

Life on the road - it's never boring.

kuwento: how he drives...

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 03:11:21 GMT

Just so you know I wasn't being too mean when I said this, let me make a Kuwento entry all about him to give you and idea of how he drives the world insane.

I was with her at Katag sometime last semester, when I receive a message from him. He was in Tagaytay.

HE: Crap. I just hit a kid.

ME: (to HIM) What?! What happened? (to HER) I can't believe it.

SHE: What happened?

ME: He just hit a kid!

SHE: What?! No kidding!

ME: I know!

HE: I know. It appeared from out of nowhere. Good thing there wasn't any dent on the front bumper of the Altis. I checked immediately.

ME: (to HIM) What happened to the kid? (to HER) I can't believe it!

SHE: What?

ME: He's more concerned about his car! Well, it's his dad's car, but still... (to everybody in Katag) That idiot!

SHE: What happened to the kid?

ME: I don't know. I hope it's nothing serious. But if he can worry about the car...

HE: Well, it ran off to the side of the road. When I looked back, it was with its mother.

ME: (to HER) The kid's unharmed.

SHE: Good for him.

ME: I know. Hey...wait a second... (to HIM) Dude, are we talking about a kid as in a young human being, or a kid as in a young goat?

HIM: As in a young goat. Seriously, thanks for the vote of confidence.

ME: (to HER) I rest my case.

kalye speak/gaguhan: from city to city

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 13:53:16 GMT

New York has this. Boston has this.

Siyempre hindi patatalo ang pinoy. I'll tell you something - when I first started out driving, I was all for being a model motorist. But after a couple of hours on the highway, I gave up, for two reasons: a) they don't exist (either they've become extinct, or there weren't any model motorists in the first place); and b) to survive the streets of Manila, you have to be prepared to do anything.

kuwento: ya gotta love them for the comic relief, anyway (almost the winner)

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 13:47:51 GMT

Third Place: "Hindi nga puwede eh!"

Second Place: Wake Me Up When It's Over

This also happened somewhere along manggahan (so what does that say about the pedestrians in that place, huh?). It was early afternoon, and there weren't many cars out. You could shift lanes without checking the mirrors, and still not hit anybody - although I wouldn't advise doing that; I'm just saying it to give you a picture of how empty the road was.

Since the traffic condition allowed it, I happily did 100 on the road (I might've exceeded 100 at some points, but that was the average speed). However, when I reached the stretch of road where Flying Pedestrians are known to Apparate from the sidewalk to the middle of the highway, I reduced my speed to 80.

I spotted a Flying Pedestrian, a female who looked no older than 20, from a distance, so I dropped my speed to 60. She didn't seem to confident about her Flying Pedestrian skills, the first two rules of which are a) march bravely on; and b) straight ahead. She hesitated in mid-cross despite the fact that I was relenting.

I was twenty-five feet away and she was right in front of me. I signaled, checked to see if I could move to the right lane to avoid her, and I had my foot ready on the brake pedal just in case I couldn't change lanes. I think I was still running at 60 that time, because the Flying Pedestrian looked beside herself with fear. She just stopped there instead of running all the way across (there were no other cars on my left). Just as I was about to change lanes, she brought her hands up to her face and covered her eyes with them.

I'm sure the Society of Flying Pedestrians disowned her. Oh, wait, let's give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe she was still a rookie then.

[Read the First Place entry.]

pasahero: suking pasahero turned fellow motorist

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 08:59:15 GMT

He was my number one pasahero, number one not in terms of being the most considerate or being a good driving companion (heck, no, the way he's always changing the radio stations and making comments about my driving), but in terms of passenger hours. If I really were a taxi driver and my services were exclusively devoted to him, I still would've been rich by now.

Before, I used to pressure him to get a license so he can drive every once in a while (I get tired too, you know). I even gave him several driving lessons (illegally), risking Chester's bumper and my own neck in the process. The outcome of the lessons? Let's just say Chester developed a strong dislike to this particular pasahero. And frankly, I don't blame him.

Eventually, he did get a license, albeit barely. I bring the subject up every time he gets even just a bit cocky about his driving skills:

HE: Hey, we got here safely, and even the last time, we reached our destination barely without incident.

ME: Key words: barely without incident.

HE: Well, I'm practicing! I just got my license -

ME: - last summer! How many months ago was that? And you barely earned it!

HE: What do you mean, barely earned it?

ME: What do I mean? You flunked the written exam!

HE: I flunked the written exam? You didn't even take it in the first place!

ME: Well I didn't know I wasn't going to take it, so I learned the entire traffic rules booklet by heart! I would've aced the exam, had I taken it!

HE: You and your inflated head.

ME: You and your inflated head.

The first time I allowed him to drive Chester in the city after he got his license (proceed to part 2), I nearly banned him from driving Chester forever. But I'm not that heartless, of course. I knew that after a bit of practice, his driving skills would improve. Just so long as he doesn't practice using my car, that is. Till then, I'd rather he stay my pasahero. Mahirap na eh.